Ministry Ambivalence

ministry really creates a tension in  your spirit.  there are often conflicting feelings- positive and negative.  there are feelings of great success coupled along with feelings of complete inadequacy.  there is an ebb and flow to everything from your attitude- your work ethic- your personal assessment- and your overall measure of success.

maybe it’s just me, because i feel like i am what i call a ‘moody worker,’ but i definitely have to press through in moments.  at the end of the day, i do indeed get into streams of great effectiveness and efficiency- but far too often it is coupled with procrastination and complacency.  anyone who is in a position or job that requires self-motivation understands this to some degree.

ultimately however- in the service of the church, and working within the expanding boundaries of the Kingdom- there is a steady and unending flow of both grace and motivation.  whenever a lull strikes, there is usually a deficit of spiritual disciplines… whether in prayer, or in the reading of the bible, or general lack of rest, quiet and reflection.  so a reconnection to God and community with others will extinguish flare ups of laziness-  stories of others’ success- movements of God- or even times of tragedy and despair, can rock us out of what at times feels like meaningless treading.

the fact of the matter is, that the world is moving perpetually- and whether we are in denial of it or not, things are happening all around at all times.  God is present- speaking- scheming- arranging- all in sovereignty… and if we would be more diligent in opening our eyes, ears and hearts- shed our human comfort and routine- there would never be a moment of dullness or malaise- rather there would be bountiful color, richness and splendor- because that is the essence of our God… and He is the one whom we serve and have our being.

*hasler